Can We Talk About: Fair-Weather Fans.

"My friends cousins girlfriend is from Pittsburgh!"

Let me set up a scenario:

A good looking blond is in the bar, wearing a Dallas Cowboys Jersey on a Sunday afternoon during football season.  You start up a conversation with her, with the talk eventually coming to her jersey. 

"That a really nice Emmitt Smith jersey, he was a great player!"
  
"Oh.......yeah!"  (Twirls blonde hair, clearly doesn't know who Emmitt Smith is) "I got this from the store at the mall!"

"Oh yeah?  I might get one! (You hate the Cowboys) Are you from Dallas?"

"No."

"Oh, was your family from Dallas?"

"No."

Have you ever been to Dallas?"

"No."

"Have you ever been to Texas?"


"Umm...I saw pictures of it, it looks nice!"

"So...."

"But I really like their uniforms!"

Their favorite player?  The guy with the long hair!!

Stop right there.  Move away from her.  Do not have sex with her.  You might have a kid with this horrible human being.  A kid you would want to leave at the mall.  I don't care how hot she looks through your beer goggles.  If that piece of trash is your best option...go to another bar.

I'm pretty sure it is illegal (or it should be) to root for a team unless one of the following are true:

1) You are from that area
2) You currently live in that area
3) Your parents or uncles are from there AND they trained you since birth to root for the team.  (That's the limit.  No "2nd cousins, twice removed")
4) You have a really good reason (You like their style of offense, You like their 3-3-5 Stack defense, You've always been a fan of the Coach, etc.)

If none of the above are true, you are a douche if you root for any of the following teams:

Pittsburgh Steelers
Dallas Cowboys
Boston Red Sox
New England Patriots
Boston Celtics
New York Yankees
Texas Football
Florida Gator Football
Duke Basketball (And you can't spell Coach K's last name)
Miami Heat (Come the fuck on)
LA Lakers

For the record, I root for the Washington Redskins (I live in Virginia), the Seattle Seahawks (I was born in Seattle), the Washington Huskies (My parents went there), the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets and the Navy Midshipmen (I like the flexbone-based triple option).

We all suck.  But when they eventually win something...it will be all the much sweeter.  When the Washington Huskies beat the hated USC Trojans last fall, I nearly streaked my neighborhood in sheer joy.  When your bandwagon team wins?  You try to act excited...but it had all the feelings of bad sex.  Yeah, it was good...but who gives a shit?

So if you are a  Steeler fan who has absolutely no ties to the state of Pennsylvania, please...go play marco-polo on the freeway.

Bring on the hate mail...

Josh